9:10 PM |
NEWSFLASH.
Cara's life.
Again.
[Oh, wait. Insertbirthdaygreeting here. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, AUDDORABLE! <3]
...Aye, I'm back from sailing.
Darker, leaner, and meaner.
...Okay, so maybe not that much leaner. [*grumbles*] But definitely darker. And meaner. [I splashed people a lot. I'm sure that's counted.] Andand! I'm a pirate now. Call me Cap'n Jackie Sparrow. [And no, it's not plagiarism, ye landlubbers. ]
Arrr.
Anyway. Sailing was great. I'd give y'all pictures- only, unlike my dear friend Maxy- I've never been one for the tradition of tacking up pictures on Blogger. [Just you wait, mate. The obsessive-compulsive-I-must-put-photographs-on-Blogger-or-I-will-die! virus hasn't got you yet. But it will. ...Mark my words.]
[Also, the fact that my Mac doesn't 'zackly upload pictures v.fast makes it a royal pain in the arse yeah.]
So I shall just use the span of my gossamery, oh-so-flowery vocabulary to- whee!- paint you a prettiful picture of what happened.
I HEART THE ROYAL YACHT CLUB.
...Egad, they even have a vegetarian menu! [!!!] [!!!!]
And. If y'all don't believe I'm anti-B; this much is true:
I'm anti-man.
[Well, with the exclusion of my father and grandfathers. And my uncles and newfound-pool-playing cousins.]
[Oh, and my mum's gym trainer because 1) he's a bouncer at Zouk, which is fully awesome and 2) he's fun to tease and 3) I have devised a master-plot to one day
[But besides those few people, I'm totally anti-man. ]
'Cept that being ANTI-MAN sounds so gross.
Like some kind of insect repellant or something.
But back to the point.
If I hadn't gone off guys before today, I so totally would have this afternoon. All through lunch, I had an entire table of creepy middle-aged men ogling at me and verrrry loudly clearing their throats and trying to catch my attention.
Like, hello. Could y'guys be any more subtle?
And omigosh. As if I care how loud you clear your throats. Like I would actually date any of you?!
Dream on, dudes. Dream on.
[And besides, they didn't even have green eyes.]
...There was this one cute guy, though. With two of his uncles, I reckon. He kept glancing back to look at me, which was totally awkward because for some reason [why oh why!!!] I had decided to sport two ponytails for sailing t'day. I mean, they were cute ponytails. Like, perky and bouncy and all.
But gawwwww. Nooo. Perky and bouncy completely don't cut it in those circumstances.
[Yes, yes. I know what y'all are thinking. "...But she said she was anti-B!" ]
[Well. If any of you even thought for one second that being anti-B meant being stripped of the right to admire the sculpted cheekbones and piercing eyes (they weren't green, but whatever) of the opposite sex; you so have another think coming.]
[Anyway it's like art appreciation, isn't it? It's practically the same thing. ]
[And besides, he was looking at me. ...What could I do- just flat out ignore him?!]
[Please. I'm not that uncultured and impolite. :D]
But whatever. He looked like those pampered-jock types, y'know. The kind I really can't stand.
The kind of guy who'd be most at home partying with an entire entourage of busty blondes [alliteration, huzzah] onboard Daddy's luxury yacht. The kind of guy who probably has never worked on anything before, save his abs.
[Not that I saw his abs, or anything. I'm just making assumptions here. And anyway, he was wearing a shirt. So stop hyperventilating already.]
But then again, I could be wrong. He might actually turn out to be a really neat guy. If I actually knew him.
Which I don't.
So- mistaken assumptions...fire away!
Blah, blah, blah.
OH YES. NOW I remember what I wanted to tell you all.
I think that LIFE AS WE KNOW IT has ended.
Ended.
Ended!!!
My life as I know it has ceased to exist.
Please, dear friends.
Comfort me in my grief.